I feel nothing

Today is a day of rest. Thus declared by me. As a free being.
It is a relief.
I am free to choose to be what I want to be- because I can say what I feel.
I do not wish to vomit.
I will not vomit.
That is all that there is to it.
I need not worry if I can keep my word. So long as I don;t wish it I won't.
Not vomit, not be hungry, not ask for food, not demand it.
It is okay to die of hunger.
Because there is nothing like death. If it is a state of being, then I have tested it out.
It was just that.
Being dead is being dead.
My test is done.
I am now free to live.
Be the clearing.
Do nothing or whatever I wish to do, with the complete acceptance that I am indeed nothing.
And its okay.
If something is not good, I need not accept it in that clearing that I have created. I choose to keep it clean, organised, and orderly.
I wish to write, and it is important that my word be understood. That is how I will be understood by everyone.
And if everyone can understand and accept my word, then one or two or three or the many who cannot understand, do not matter.
If I do not matter, then you don't either.
I am my word only.
Sadly.
But truly, sincerely, reasonably, like a cockroach. After all cockroaches are indestructible- well almost.
When the world comes to an end, they say, the cockroach will live.
I do not know really whether it will or not.
But all that lives shall die.
Thank God.
That life will end.
It is so painful that it would be horrible to contemplate one forever.
I am here to be used.
I hope I am used well.
Never abused.
And when I am it is my responsibility.
No one else is responsible for me.
That is all so easy.
I have anyway been responsible for whatever I did.
I promise to be responsible.
This day I feel hopeful.