Forced

Poor Hanuman!
Can you see him standing on the beach or cliff top wherever the hell he was at that moment.
And Jambwant says- Yes you can!
What could Hanuman do but give it a shot?

Was it Jambwant's own unfulfilled and unfulifillable desires that made him goad Hanuman?

Hell, who knows! And really, what does it matter! The point is that Hanuman crossed the sea and found Sita. I bet she was happy when he jumped from that tree with Ram's ring.

****

Dada says he has been good, because his Nana told him to help people when able to do so. Dada wanted his Nana to love him.

I think I know what Dada is saying - I actually had to stop fighting my family because they insisted that I was doing it out of love, and for attention.

They attend better, and with less effort on my part- but I think I decided to stop fighting before they attended.

Thing is, it seemed silly to express a (supposedly) good feeling in a way that was painful for me and for everyone around. It was easier to let go of love than to try and force it. If it was meant for me, it would come round.

For now, I think I just take a vote every morning. Talk to people that is, and I do whatever seems to be least effort, and most beneficial. That takes care of the economics too- usually.

Of course it is coercion- but it works well for most number of people. I do think everyone must have equal opportunity, and taking my own decision does imply that the ones who disagree cannot have the opportunity I have hogged.

Point is, when should I take my "own" decision and when should I allow myself to be persuaded?

Dada said the other day, that when he was encouraging Ba to take all her own decisions, he was being "wily". That was a sock in the jaw. Hell, I have been thus encouraged many times. I presumed he was being too humble, a state of mind that I tend to view with my innate skepticism.

But then I reminded myself that there was no reason for him to lie. . He is ninety, and these years are really what he calls 'bonus years'. He did not expect to live so long, and he does not particularly pray for longer life. He may be confused too, but he had nothing to lose by admitting to whatever he has done.

Anyway, I asked him to explain how it was wily to support her in standing by her own decisions.

He said,"I wanted her to marry me, her parents were against it. The only way I could have got her to be mine was if she defied them. So I encouraged her. But after marriage it made her life difficult."

If I had stood in the way of a landslide in the Himalayas I might have felt like the way I did. It was a magic moment in the bus no 22 that we had taken on our way back from San Jose, because Jawaharbhai was away. Usually he drives us around. But I guess he has some needs of his own too.

I have often, too often, been doing whatever I choose to do. Once on the "take my own decision" route, I end up with the responsibility of reaching the target. It is supposed to be mine, and mine alone. Everyone around me follows the same principle, and we have a whole lot of goals for what is a team, a family.

BAD idea folks.

Invariably there are clashes.

I am glad I met Dada, and got another go this year to review all that he says. In six months away, both of us have chewed some cud, and the story I wrote last summer can be reviewed- because all the spiritual characters have acquired a body.

This body is also important.

Dada says I can and must do the story differently now.

I am forced to rewrite- but it's a good thing to sometimes be forced to be good.